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I refuse to try to build any more precious childhood memories for my kids. I'm just giving them fuel... Read More

A.I. Can Take Your Job, But Can It Keep It? Jul. 03, 2025

I understand. It's not that you really love your job. It's just that you really, really, really don'... Read More

Pick Your Poison: Heat Stroke or Air Conditioning? Jun. 28, 2025

If you asked my dad the top three causes of illness worldwide, here's what he'd say: No. 3: Walking ... Read More

I Am a Bland Florida Tomato and I Just Want Love Jun. 28, 2025

Wow, thanks for ordering me. You're going to love... wait. No, no, no, hold on, please don't peel m... Read More

Losing Contact Jun. 27, 2025

My contact manager, Outlook, won't open. It doesn't care how often I click. It says it's loading. Bu... Read More

In a Village with Two Houses, Be the Right House Jun. 22, 2025

There once was a village with two houses. The first house always kept an extra chair at the table. N... Read More

Is This Spam Text Asking Me Out? Jun. 21, 2025

Last week, I got a text: Are you free tomorrow? Come to my house for dinner, and I will make your fa... Read More

The Awkward Silences in the White House Speak Volumes Jun. 21, 2025

Before we start, it's important that we all know what "Juventus" is. They're an Italian soccer team... Read More

Dying With Bette Jun. 20, 2025

We've all heard about people who suffer for their art. Normally, that doesn't apply to me. As an ove... Read More

Sex Break or Coffee Break -- The Choice is Yours Jun. 19, 2025

When your bosses said they wanted to increase production, they didn't mean this. "This" is the strat... Read More

You Cannot Be All Things to People (And That's Okay) Jun. 15, 2025

There's a quote that's been following me around lately, showing up in podcasts, books, and the back ... Read More

Tips on Winning a Breakup From a Hysterical Woman Jun. 14, 2025

Hi, woman here. Sorry to step out of line, but the men need help. It has been brought to the attenti... Read More

Around the World on a Bicycle -- in 1935! Jun. 13, 2025

Fred Birchmore and I are very different. Fred, for example, is dead. I, as of this writing at least,... Read More

Casual NoDay Jun. 12, 2025

Emily Post won't help you. The queen of etiquette, circa 1922, had little to say about what to wear... Read More

Ni De Aquí, Ni De Allá Jun. 08, 2025

I'm flying home in two weeks, and for the first time, I'm apprehensive. This time, I'm an official d... Read More

Trump and Musk in Couples' Counseling: We Have the Transcript Jun. 07, 2025

COUNSELOR: Gentlemen, please have a seat. Thanks for coming today. I understand the two of you are n... Read More

Don't Make Me Say It Jun. 07, 2025

My family came to visit me in Florida recently. Their sole request was to patronize a Tijuana Flats ... Read More

Who Knows Where the Phones Go? Jun. 06, 2025

I reach for my phone. It's not in my pocket where it belongs. I'd had it out earlier over where I wa... Read More

Your Resume: Polish It or Pulverize It? Jun. 05, 2025

You never forget your first resume. The excitement. The anticipation. The lies. Sure, you were a fro... Read More

When the Universe Draws Circles Jun. 01, 2025